On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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