can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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