like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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