i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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