so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
