he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
