I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
