I cockslap morals
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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