I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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