guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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