He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
