Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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