I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
