I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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