did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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