They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
