I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
