I puked a lego.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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