Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
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Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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