a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
