I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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