I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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