i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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