Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
