Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need to sanitize my soul.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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