Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
