I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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