Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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