Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
