I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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