I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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