For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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