We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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