Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
