I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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