Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
