so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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