This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
