Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(864): View more from South Carolina

If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would

Fav 11 3121 1142
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together

Fav 21 4285 916
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(850): View more from Florida

OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.

Fav 11 1190 3890
share tweet
(626): View more from California

Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.

Fav 11 4504 712
share tweet
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(443): View more from Maryland

God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.

Fav 18 4273 1248
share tweet
(320): View more from Minnesota

I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.

Fav 11 5892 1673
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.

Fav 14 6435 1362
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(604): View more from British Columbia

Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.

Fav 3 880 664
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(701): View more from North Dakota

I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.

Fav 2 101 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT