Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.

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  (401): I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths. http://tfl.nu/qww0
  Replies (37) Good night (1084) Bad night (2409)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...

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  (817): So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain... http://tfl.nu/gzma
  Replies (27) Good night (1138) Bad night (4268)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.

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  (503): I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't. http://tfl.nu/gt6v
  Replies (6) Good night (4117) Bad night (1326)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

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  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
  Replies (29) Good night (6798) Bad night (1778)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.

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  (773): NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU. http://tfl.nu/h1az
  Replies (10) Good night (2337) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"

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  (678): You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed" http://tfl.nu/kcte
  Replies (7) Good night (2307) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?

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  (319): Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away? http://tfl.nu/h2kh
  Replies (10) Good night (3243) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.

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  (404): You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high. http://tfl.nu/huz5
  Replies (6) Good night (1372) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.

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  (563): Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit. http://tfl.nu/it5v
  Replies (8) Good night (1518) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.

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  (714): Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/kmrp
  Replies (20) Good night (676) Bad night (3078)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals

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  (773): Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals http://tfl.nu/fp9n
  Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.

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  (413): I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now. http://tfl.nu/ohjj
  Replies (2) Good night (582) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.

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  (412): Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is. http://tfl.nu/yq5o
  Replies (7) Good night (1242) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.

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  (303): Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year. http://tfl.nu/qzma
  Replies (1) Good night (435) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.

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  (415): Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show. http://tfl.nu/ey20
  Replies (0) Good night (603) Bad night (293)

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