In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?