I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.