Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.