You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
