i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
