Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
