Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
