Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
