i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
