I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
