Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
These tits shall not be calmed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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