Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
