we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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