OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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