an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just gift wrapped bread.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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