these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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