i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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