Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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