All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
