watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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