i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
