Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
