just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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