It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
