plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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