Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
