i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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