i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
