I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
