U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
is wine microwaveable?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
