Porn is love you can see.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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