How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
