Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
