I am in a vortex of obligation.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
