eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
