i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
