i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
