i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so let's talk penis.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
