chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sext me about skeletons
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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