If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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