At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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