I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize