we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
