I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
